#DarlyFacesFears, and Facing Failure

by cleowade

I have failed.

I envisioned excited (and anxious) women mindfully choosing a fear, making and sharing plans, and overcoming these fears-- rejoicing together, encouraging one another, and growing together. I envisioned empowerment. I envisioned this bringing a depth to the Darlybird community. I was proud of how this challenge shared the values of growth, strength, and the beauty that I believe Darlybird embodies.

Only four women entered the contest.

I failed in my expectations. I failed to generate community within the Darlybird community. And I used company time/money with seemingly little to show for it.

The Good Things:

1. These four women shared their fears, and their excitement in overcoming them was AWESOME.
2. Each woman’s post received so many likes and comments, full of encouragement and love. I LOVED reading these.
3. I overcame some of my own fears, namely rafting on open water, and donating blood (needles!). I had intended to do another one as well, but life got in the way, and truth be told, I’m STILL riding the high from donating blood. That fear had been weighing on me for years, especially since I felt like I was not serving others as well as I could have by holding onto that fear.
4. I can live and learn…

Live and Learn: This contest didn’t go as I had intended it to. But often, life doesn’t go as we intend it to.

We have failed expectations, changes in plans, changes in interests and hopes and dreams. We have failed relationships, failed financial endeavors, or our great ideas are met with little enthusiasm by others (and maybe eventually ourselves as well). I feel like I have experienced SO many of these in my life-- perhaps even more the older I get, and the more ambitious I become.

But the thing is, the failures not only hurt less, but I can use them to learn and to grow, to refine myself and my ideas, and shape the next project in a better, hopefully more successful way. (I think this response, though, doesn’t always come naturally. We sometimes become accustomed to struggle and rejection. How do you view your failures? Try switching your response to “What can I learn from this?”). I’ve learned a lot from this particular failure, and I’m continuing to process it.

For example, this particular failure can help me understand the Darlybird audience better, offers great insight into the focus that the Darlyblog should take (we’ve had a lot of company conversations about this over the past few months since we relaunched Darlybird), and likely more things that I’ll realize with time.

Have you ladies read You are a Badass by Jen Sincero? I highly recommend it. At one point Jen lists off a bunch of successful people we’ve heard of-- car makers, scientists, athletes, etc.-- and their failures before the success finally hit. Like, HUGE failings. Like, Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school and was rejected from film school three times, or Soichiro Honda who was turned down for an engineering position at Toyota so he started his own company (...Honda). Jen says, “The only failure is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information” (If you have this book in front of you, you can find this awesome section in part 5, chapter 23).

The “Grand Prize”: I had initially planned a very decent sized grand prize gift certificate to Darlybird for the winner. This is another point where this failure is a bummer. It wasn’t only my own intention that didn’t pan out- it also involved company money.

I’ve decided to split up that grand prize so each of the four women who entered will get a smaller (but still decent) gift certificate to Darlybird. They all deserve a prize, and knowing some of the woman as I do, I think/hope that they will be okay with this change. I really am so proud of and grateful for each of them for contributing to this project.

And so, if you’re still reading: I still extend the challenge to you: find a fear and work through it. Big or small. I am almost positive that you will find greater self-confidence through the process, and eliminating a fear will likely create more space for beauty in your life. At least that’s what I’ve found.

Love, Allie