Wednesday, May 10, 2017

A Friend, Fake-Aunt, and Mother-Soul

photo by Alicia Fish, of me and her two daughters
a couple years back. note: we featured Alicia and
her family for the Our Creative Home series
back in 2014!
I grew up in a culture that valued marriage and motherhood. It was instilled in me at a young age. The older cousins before me got married in their late teens or early 20's, and I assumed I'd do the same: go to college, meet a boy, fall in love, marry, graduate (like I said, my culture values marriage and motherhood, and in my mind that came before graduating), then have 2-4 children.

But, it hasn't happened yet. It happened for many of my peers—a majority of past roommates and girlfriends are now married, some with children— but it has not happened for me.

Sometimes this is a difficult truth: no partner, no companionship, no children. The path seems pretty hidden from my view right now as the things I've felt impressions about just have not come to pass at this time. I could go on and on about those impressions, but instead I will say:

There is a light inside of me, innately connected with womanhood and motherhood, that still shines even without a husband or children to shine for.

"Mom. I drew Allie. She is your friend.
And she's bendy. And so is her hair."
- Olive, Age 3

This Mother's Day, I celebrate not only my mother, grandmother, friends who are mothers, etc., but I celebrate the women whose dreams of motherhood have not yet come to fruition (or whose dreams have nothing to do with motherhood at all), but who shine that light on every single person they know. I honor you, and I honor myself in this space.

I rejoice when, immediately upon entering their home, my friend's four children talk at me all at once as I settle onto the entryway floor to listen to all of their stories. I light up at a little friend's smile when his mom invites me to stay for dinner. I loved the sound of my fake-niece saying "Allie" for the first time, loud and clear! And I still laugh at that portrait my best friend's daughter drew of me (pictured left). I'm bendy, so is my hair, and I love being a fake-aunt!

I think my inner motherly, womanly light is developing its own special hue as time passes, and as I find new, individual ways to share it. Someday (maybe and hopefully) the desires of my heart will unfold, but until then, I am in good company. I am not alone in this space. I have mother souls all around me—with children or not—and I have children to hug and hold even if they are not my own. I am not alone.

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